My inner reflections

Hi friends,
                 This time I do not have a particular topic in my mind to write. But I still feel like penning a few lines. It is said that writing acts as a catharsis to a troubled and a lonely mind.   My mind is troubled at times for multitude of reasons that may seem trivial to others. I am not a fan of the thing called loneliness, but it has been my 'companion' throughout my life.  I do not want to be a lonely animal but at times, this 'companion' helps me to introspect who I am, what I want to be, whether I would have been a more efficient person if I had not been limited by circumstances around me.  It is not that I grew up in pathetic surroundings struggling to live each day for the want of food or clothes. I have been well off since my childhood thanks to my dad's profession as an engineer. I did my schooling in a prestigious convent and later on in 'All Women's' Colleges.

      But did those alma maters help me finding my own identity? That is a question I ask myself everyday. My school life is nothing much to talk about and throughout those years I did not have friends in the school or in my neighborhood except for 1 or 2 with whom I still keep in contact through facebook. I was an average student throughout and did not win prizes in any competitions. I did not come across any teachers whom I can call mentors who would have helped me find my true self. This might sound like whining but when I think about those days, I do not feel that those were the best days of my life which I would like to revisit. If  I want to rewind my school days, I would like to script it in a different way. My college days were better but uneventful and not flooded with unforgettable excursion trips and various events.  I was trained in Carnatic music during my childhood and though I did not sing in competitions much, it helped me develop the love for music in general. I do have good voice, but for the lack of practise, I could not become a great singer ( though the wish is still there in my heart!!). I enjoy Carnatic music, Hindustani music, movie songs (namely Tamil, Malayalam, Hindi), western songs, instrumental music and almost anything related to those 7 notes. Music IS part of my life and I cannot live without it. It always interests me to find out the raaga of a carnatic song, nuances of a raaga, similarity and differences between similar sounding raagas etc. The knowledge in carnatic music helped me develop some interest in listening to Hindustani classical music.
                          Some years back I discovered that I have an inclination towards drawing and painting and I want to pursue that seriously. I cannot be termed as a voracious reader, but these days I see that I do read something or other to broaden my mind. I am open to reading good books by authors of any age. My entry into the world of blogging was unplanned and I do my best to keep it alive to this day and it is one thing which has been fulfilling  and I would like to keep it going as long as I can. As some of you might have observed, my blog does not stick to one subject like cooking, travel, politics..... If I post an article on a social issue, the next one can be art or travel. This way, I feel it is not restrictive to be read by one group of people.

                                                              



                                                 I am not a career-minded person but recently when my birthday passed, I keep thinking whether I want to remain this way or to pursue my passions and interests with more emphasis so that when I look back, I will feel happy and satisfied. But how should I go about it?
                                      My life is not fast-paced and I do not wish to be like that, but I want my life to be more eventful. Each visit to my hometown to spend time with my parents is relaxing and rejuvenating, but with the passage of time priorities do change. Some places and things around remain same while lot of things would have changed. Though some things remain same, I happen to see them in a different perspective. That is what I felt when I visited my house in my hometown. Many relatives and friends who were prominent during my childhood seem to be less relevant now. Of course, I do visit them to keep in touch, but the feelings are different. I experienced both attachment and detachment.
                                 Knock, knock, where am I heading now? I think I am at a crossroads. I am still finding a suitable path to take and go forward ( right may not be the word), and I introspect a lot. I keep talking a lot to my inner self and I listen to its voice. By doing this, I feel I discover more of myself and improve upon my personality in the long run. One is the architect of one's own destiny for most part and I truly believe in that adage. One may be born with a moon-like face with perfect features and be proud of it during the teenage years, but later on, the thoughts and the mindset does reshape the face. This is quoted by Abraham Lincoln, 'I don't like that man...(his face)'. It might sound arrogant, but what he really meant was his mind was not good and hence that was reflected in his face. Yes, face is the mirror of the mind. So it is very important to keep one's thoughts uncomplicated which will make life easier to live.
                                          Let me talk a little more about my entry into the world of drawing and painting. I started to go for pot painting classes after my wedding and the interest developed from there to diversify into sand painting, nib painting, free-hand drawing, sketching with charcoal pencils, watercolor painting, oil painting. For reasons not known to me, I have been interested in painting different kinds of birds on this earth and I would like to do more in that area. My wish is to capture more pictures of birds in the natural surroundings and bird sanctuaries.
                                                        And of course, I have to post some birdie paintings!!!

                                                   

                                          One thing in my wishlist is to teach children with learning disabilities. It is more challenging, but rewarding. I would also like to travel more as I am interested in visiting different places and also I feel it expands my horizon.
                                I feel lightheaded and I will pause here for now. Will be back soon!!!!

Deepa.