My journey with music

 Hi friends,

#longread #longpostalert  

              This is one area I was wanting to write for a long time. I am from a Tamil Brahmin family and it is common in our community to train girls in Carnatic music. When I was small, my dad arranged for a music teacher to come to my  house to teach me in person twice a week. Those days, the music learning was more informal meaning that I did not pass certification courses of varied levels as is seen today. I learnt from basics up to keethanas for about 5 to 6 years and stopped when I reached 10th.  My teacher or 'paattu vadhyar ' as we used to address her was short, soft spoken and simple and used to go to houses to make extra income other than from what she earned from  a school. My parents did not have a musical background or knowledge and so I learnt just like a 'good girl ' without asking questions or doubts.  We used to go to Chennai every year during our summer holidays to be with our grandparents and cousins. Our elder cousins were much ahead in Carnatic music and they were quick learners who sang songs at higher pitch (or sruthi) than what I could sing. One master used to come to teach my cousins in Chennai. As a child and very early into learning music, I was asked to sing the first geetham (short song) 'Shri Gana Natha' before that master. After I finished, instead of some encouragement and appreciation what I got to hear was the laughter from them at the way my teacher taught me and he started correcting me while my cousins were laughing. That was my first brush with comparison which continued for a long time. I was always hesitant to sing before them. Once, when they visited my hometown Trivandrum during their vacation, they sang 'Paadariye padippariye' from the Tamil hit movie Sindhu Bhairavi. They sang that complicated song, which included fast swaras in the end, with relative ease. This earned them lot of appreciation from  our neighbours . When they sang this, I went and hid somewhere!!

                       My teacher diligently wrote down the lessons periodically in Malayalam language and marked the dates of each class in the last pages of the book for payment purposes. She used to give 8 classes a month for a nominal fees of only Rs 50 per month!  The only thing that lacked in me was my willingness to practice all the time.  I did practice to keep in touch but not enough to win competitions. I used to have stage fright while participating in competitions and naturally, I didn't win any prizes as it showed in my singing.  I later sang in Brahmana sabha community gatherings with some training from another teacher and these performances boosted my confidence. I did not have any competition from my sister as she did not show much interest in learning music and I ended up learning what was taught to her. One thing which has stayed with me throughout my childhood upto now is listening to music which included Carnatic music, film songs, English songs, instrumental music etc. Being a true music lover, for me music is beyond language. This proved to be advantageous and disadvantageous as I could grasp tunes faster , but never the lyrics. We had a small transistor at home and I used to keep close to me most of the time and even took to bathrooms , so as not to miss out favourite programmes.  As I learnt more lessons in Carnatic music, I got interested in finding out raagas of each song and I committed to my memory the characteristics of each raaga.

              We have this funny tradition in our community where a girl is asked to sing a Carnatic song by the prospective groom's family during the fixing of the alliance. It is one of the 'qualifications ' a girl should be having other than cooking...😂😂..After the girl is married into another family,  it is 'conveniently forgotten ' that she ever learnt music! It happened to me also. In my new family, some ladies claim to be experts in Carnatic music who would have been much ahead of M S Subhalakshmi,  if not for the tiring domestic duties!!  Of course,  I was afraid to open my mouth and my little singing was buried under sand for many years. 

               To cut the long story short, after shifting back to Bangalore,  I started singing during the annual day functions in our complex. After that, my friends requested me to teach their kids. I was hesitant at first not knowing what to teach and how to teach. I did not have sufficient depth of knowledge that is required for a ' vidwan ' or an expert.  I started off with 5 students.  During first few classes, I used to sweat a lot!! But after each class, I experienced some peace of mind which was not there before. Now I became a learner also. I started brushing up my old lessons and improvising on them. I took classes from another teacher through online for more guidance. I keep reading the theories in various media for more knowhow. Now with the conveniences never than before,  I keep learning more devotional songs and slokas  through YouTube  to teach children. I started learning Pancharatna krithis of composer Shri Tyagaraja by listening to view and like Shri Balamurali Krishna, though there is long way to go. The thing with Carnatic music or music of any type is that the more you learn , the more you realise that you know very little about it.  When each child joins to learn, it is renewed motivation for me irrespective of how long they stick around. I consider each class as a gift from the God and silently express gratitude to my teacher everytime.  Many students have come and gone, but each of them taught me something. I have not reached the level  to sing in concerts, but have sung in some big gatherings which has reduced my stage fright. As of now, I can sing anywhere without much fear, except in front of my own relatives who seem to know 'too much.' I still will not say I have a great voice and I have a limited range of pitch.

               

             

       

               My treasures!

                Before closing this topic, I would like to say that I have felt the regional differences and differential treatment meted out to singers from Kerala as compared to those from Tamil Nadu , Andhra Pradesh, Karnataka. There is still a kind of thinking doing rounds that all singers like me from Kerala know Swathi thirunal composition ' Deva Deva Kalayamithe ' and we have more nasal voice. When composers like Shri Tyagaraja are well known, Shri Swathi thirunal is still lesser known outside Kerala. Shri Swathi thirunal was a king of Travancore district who composed lot of krithis and a great patron of arts, but who unfortunately died in his early 30s. Whereas,  Shri Tyagaraja lived upto 80 years. 

Deepa.

P . S.   Some may observe  whining going on here and there , but I couldn't help it. These points were there in my mind for a long time and I was looking for an outlet...Maybe,  I need to grow up more!!